two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
