i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
