the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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