my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
