So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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