Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
