Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
