youre lurking in front of me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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