I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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