I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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