I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
