ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
