I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
