you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
