Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
