I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
