we're blogging at a bar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
