I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
