I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
