We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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