where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
