I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
