i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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