We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
