too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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