Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
