Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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