You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
