yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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