YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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