Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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