On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
