The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
