just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
