She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
