i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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