I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
