Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
