ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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