maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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