I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
