so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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