he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
