I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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