i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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