if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't deserve a penis
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
