finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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