This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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