His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
