Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize