Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
