I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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