Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
