Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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