I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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