we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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