I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize