D3 body, D1 cock
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
