I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
