he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
