i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Vodka?
Forever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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