its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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