It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
