Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you had me at cake vodka
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
