That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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