I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
