im about as happy as oj after his trial
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize