Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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